Merging Into One Girl

image of changeTwo lives. One girl. One deep desire to merge the two, but scared as hell to do it. Desperately seeking the place of vulnerability so that I can show my authentic self to the world. Why? Because deep down in my heart I have the feeling that I am destined to do something great. Be someone great.

I am a dreamer. I am a glass half-full girl. I have this wild idea and belief that I can be relatable by sharing my own struggles and triumphs and, in turn, help add to someone’s life out there. To show them there is a light at the end of the tunnel. To prove that we all make mistakes, some really big, but that it is and will be okay. To remind them that we need to lead with love and forgiveness always.

We have this one life, one shot, at doing whatever it is that truly makes our soul shine. Never before has it seemed so close. So very close that I can taste it. So very close that I know what I need to do because it’s as obvious as the sun shining and glitter sparkling.

But also so much fear. So many unknowns. So many questions about whether I’m a strong enough person to handle any backlash that may come my way.

I’ve always lived in a protective space where I could control who I let in and how much of my story I divulged. Even my own mom has been surprised by what’s come out of my mouth a time or two.

I’ve always cared about what people think of me. I know that it stems from a place of wanting everyone to like me and to appeal to everyone. I also know that having this attitude makes relationships superficial as it’s just surface material to stay the course and, most importantly, to keep it safe.

What happens when you don’t want to play safe anymore?

What happens when you decide to stomp on your fears and confront them because most of them are bullshit anyways? I know this because it’s the truth. There are people that know my deepest, darkest secrets and we have a stronger bond because I’ve let them in and vice versa. They love me harder and I, them. I think of the people that I admire and not one of them plays it safe. Not one. They all stand out in their own way and I relate to it on some level.

I’m learning to live more in a place of acceptance, gratitude, and self-love. I’m learning to only be available to the people and ideas that serve me in a positive way towards growth. I’m learning to say no more because saying yes would add stress to my life. I’m learning to embrace it all, even though I may not see the relevance at the time. I’m learning that I want my life to be something special and the only person that can do that is me. I can shape my life and mold it into my “perfect” one that I’ve dreamed about. I’m learning that being different is super cool and coloring outside the lines just makes life more exciting. Being like everyone else is boring and I don’t want to be boring. I want to live. To be. To dare.

We can change our story any time we want, but the most powerful part is to show ourselves completely, mistakes and all. It’s in these times that we grow, develop the personal relationships that we are meant to have, and build the life that we want.

 

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