I did something this past weekend while I was out of town that I haven’t done in forever. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I am deserving and worthy“. What you don’t know (and what I probably should leave out) is that I was going to the bathroom and the door facing me had a mirror on it. What can I say? I saw an opportunity and went for it. What better time, right?!
In all seriousness though, years ago I used to look at myself in the mirror (never while going to the bathroom, I might add) and say those powerful “I Am” statements all of the time. I used to have “I Am” statements written on post-its and put all over my house and car. I used to really be into the whole bettering myself thing.
Until I wasn’t.
Life got kind of hard and I got lazy. I strayed away from the person I’ve always felt like I’ve been. You know, the “positive, glass half full, there is beauty all around, something always to be grateful for” kind of girl. I guess, if I’m being honest, I fell into the trap of feeling stuck. In all the areas of my life. Almost like playing victim, but not completely. I just let life happen and get the best of me… and the best of me it did get for longer than I care to realize.
But that’s where that chapter of the story ends…
Taking back my power
I just got back from Younique’s Black Status Retreat in sunny (but really cold) California. I was around all of the top leaders of the company for a 3-day retreat. It was fantastic. It was wonderful. It was everything that I needed and more. It was like a big ole family reunion and I soaked up every bit of it. I laughed. I cried. I dug deep within myself and shared my fears and insecurities with others and felt a weight being lifted. It made me feel powerful.
I bet after reading all of that you will be surprised to hear that my initial decision was not go to. It’s so true. I felt very much in a space of “I don’t belong“. When I shared how I felt, each time it was met with something similar to “that’s why you need to go” & “you deserve to do it for yourself“. I guess, deep down, I knew that I needed to be there. For myself. To grow and learn and be the best version of me.
But it’s always so much easier said than done, right?
Even knowing that and having these talks with myself while the tears were pouring out of my eyes, the decision didn’t come easily. & that’s probably because I was not being very kind to myself to think that I actually deserved to be better. The old me did come out though to slap some sense & tough love and I made the decision to go.
That day, January 8th, I made myself proud. More proud than I’ve made myself feel in a long time. That’s the day that I decided to take back my life. My power. Me as the person I’ve always loved.